I am supposed to be doing my homework right now... well, I'm sort of working on it and updating at the same time. *looks angelic*

Patrick and I are going to the movies today. I am not sure yet what we're going to see... it's either 8 Mile or Die Another Day. Since I've been watching the James Bond movie marathon with my dad on TNN for about 3 days now, I consider myself a 007 expert. Okay, not really an expert, but I did survive watching one guy get chopped up by a snow-making machine and his body parts spewed onto the ski slopes among the blood-red snow... that's got to count for something.

To Do:
finish US history notes
write rough draft of article for onerock
take US history take-home test (tonight)

I went to Mass this morning at St. Francis with Jessica. It was a lot of fun, but I'm exhausted. I had to wake up at 6 AM to get to the church on time, and I'm really dragging right now.

To Do:
do dishes
go to bed

I went to Pat's house last night and we watched the movie Ice Age (I really shouldn't say "watched", because we were so wrapped up in each other that we barely paid attention to the movie, much to the annoyance of his mother). It appeared to be cute and really funny, and Ray Romano did the voice of the woolly mammoth. I love Ray Romano! Gosh, I laugh so hard just thinking about him!

Pat bought me FOUR Caramello bars because I once mentioned to him that they were my favorite. C'mon, you have to admit that that is really sweet.

The bad news, however, is that I really need/want(?) to go to Confession. I wish I could go today, but I really don't think that's going to happen (seeing how it's Thanksgiving). Maybe Jessica and I can go to Mass at St. Alphonsus tomorrow, and if not, I can go to Confession at St. Joseph's on Saturday.

Oh, but back to good news. It's snowing! And real snow now, not just that wet stuff. It's powdery and sticking to the ground (I'm going to estimate that we have almost a foot) and coating the tree branches, which is beautiful and Thanksgiving-y. Now that Thanksgiving is actually here, the Christmas season has officially arrived (it's the most wonderful time of the year!). I am, at this very moment, compiling a mix CD of my favorite Christmas songs (this includes two versions each of "O Holy Night" and "Ave Maria", my two absolute favorite Christmas songs).

My Christmas Mix CD:

1. All I Want For Christmas is You
2. Ave Maria
3. Carol of the Bells
4. The Christmas Song
5. If Every Day Could Be Christmas
6. O Holy Night
7. The First Noel
8. O Holy Night
9. Ave Maria
10. Christmas
11. I'll Be Home For Christmas
12. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing / Gloria

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Ah, my gosh, I need to go to Confession.

I just got back from an Odyssey of the Mind meeting, which was fun, and I think we're off to a good start this year.

Other than that, nothing interesting is happening at all.

I'm happier now. I had a 45 minute conversation with Patrick tonight and we didn't fight one bit. It was such a relief! And I think now I can actually comprehend the amount of influence my actions (and reactions) can have on the mood of our conversations. By having a positive attitude and relaxing a little bit, I was able to keep him less uptight and we both got along great.

I went to Mass at St. Francis this past weekend and it was amazing. Eight altar boys (yes, altar boys!), incense, and music in Latin... what else could you ask for? It was truly beautiful. The Mass was celebrated for the Feast of Christ the King, so there was a Eucharistic procession around the inside of the church after Mass, which was beautiful as well. As soon as I get my own car, I am going to start going to St. Francis for my weekend Mass. I am getting sick of St. Pat's, anyways, with the folky-guitar music and my priest who corners me after Mass and tries to insist that I become a Eucharistic minister. Nooooo thanks.

I am also going to call Fr. Peter, the priest at St. Francis, and make an appointment for spiritual direction with him. I've been to Confession to him twice, maybe three times, and I love him already. He is so gentle and kind but so orthodox at the same time. Jessica gave me his number so I am definitely going to call him!

I should post something happy in here. I just can't think of what.

Oh. Pat and I stopped at Ed & Jean's Sunday to pick up a jar of cherries for his mom before the big Thanksgiving meal, and of course I met a lot of Pat's friends from school. One girl, Pat later told me, said that I was pretty. This was a great confidence booster.

There is my bit of happy news for the day (no, that was not sarcastic). :)

TGITB! Which means: Thank goodness it's Thanksgiving break! FIVE WHOLE DAYS OFF FROM SCHOOL!


On the other hand, it's so depressing. Not Thanksgiving break, but the general feeling surrounding the holiday this year. It's snowing, but the snow doesn't stick, so everything is wet and cold and neutral-colored. Even the blue bleachers at the school footbal field seem neutral. (Is it possible for royal blue to be neutral?) I actually love the winter, but God, can we please have some primary colors here? No, the faded red shade of my beginning-to-rust, ten-year-old, hand-me-down station wagon does not count.

Not that I have anything to do over the five day break. Sit around and wait for Pat to call, I guess. I'm really not that obsessed with him, and considering how much we've been arguing lately, I don't know why I even want to talk to him anymore, but in some attempting-to-be-disinterested way I am counting down the hours until he gets home from practice. Actually, if he didn't call tonight, I wouldn't be offended, but still...

Am I totally contradictory or what?

I am at school right now, doing an illegal thing by updating my blogger-thingy (hey, I might be able to convince them that this is related to academics if I get caught...). Not that I have anything interesting to say.

The question of the day is: What do I want to be when I grow up?
My sister is, for some reason, writing an article about colleges in which she proposes that middle school students should look for colleges. This is ridiculous! Not only that, but she is asking for my support in this endeavor. How can I support her when I, I high-school junior, actually have no idea what the heck I want to be when I grow up (let alone where I am going to college)!?

Actually, lately I have been considering going into Social Services. My parents wouldn't approve, I'm sure, but I am not exactly looking to them for approval anymore. As much as I hate being 16 years old, can't I just stay this age forever?

Part of the problem is this (I am going to try really hard to say this without sounding like a huge snob):
I am good at a lot of things. Science, math, art, writing, music. This makes it incredibly hard for me to narrow possibly career choices down to at least a general field of interest. The really sucky part is that while I am very good at all of these things, I am not extremely extraordinarily supremely talented at any of these things. Today I want to be a social worker, tomorrow I'll want to be an engineer, and the day after I'll want to be a music teacher. When I start to think more than three days into my future, I get a headache. Ack.

I stayed home sick from school yesterday, which is why I didn't update. When I woke up yesterday I honestly thought I was going to be sick to my stomach (actually, I don't really feel 100% right now...) and I was shaking and so hot that I opened my bedroom window (it was, like, 30 degrees out). I slept almost all day yesterday, and when I was awake did nothing except finish The Chocolate War, which I found to be good (but a "modern classic"? I don't know about that...).

I also talked to Pat yesterday, which was almost a total disaster. Why do we fight so much? I am starting to get really concerned. I do have to admit, however, that a lot of the disagreements are my fault. I need to calm down sometimes, and I realize this now. I talked to my mom for a long time last night about it, and she agrees.

I think I might've found a car. My parents are willing to buy me a car if I can find a relatively inexpensive one (it also has to have airbags). They're also paying for my insurance and my gas. I feel so spoiled! Pat got a car, a VW Jetta (it's kinda old, but who cares? It's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen) and he can't drive it yet because he can't afford the insurance, which his parents are making him pay himself, and they won't even put him on their policy and let him pay just his portion of it.

I don't even know if this post has any real theme or point, but I felt like updating, so...

Oh! Oh, oh. Today is my last day of school before Thanksgiving break! YAY!

This is really strange... I mean, isn't starting a new blogger-thingy always really strange? It's not quite broken in yet, so I don't want to go too far off on a tangent (then again, I probably will anyways).

I went to Pat's house today for Thanksgiving dinner (I know, I know-- Thanksgiving today? But something happened with his mom's work schedule. She couldn't get the day of Thursday or something. It is much more confusing than that, but who really wants to hear the whole long boring story? No one. Right.)

I got to meet his mom and his dad and his grandparents. I also got in a HUGE fight with him. I don't really want to get into the details, but it was pretty scary. All me threatening to jump out of the car if he moved another inch and crying, and him just sitting there like an emotionless statue. Until we both broke down and got really feelingsy and hugged, and then everything was better. For today, at least. Heh.

The scary thing is that whatever "we" (Pat & I) are is so intense that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when I think about it. After our fight today, we're driving down the road and he laughs, but not a ha-ha laugh, an extremely ironic laugh, and says, "You have NO IDEA how much I really like you." I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that? And then he goes on and says, "All my life I've liked hunting and fishing and sports and bikes. And right now I feel like I would give it all up like *that* (snaps fingers) for you. That scares me." Yeah, that scares me, too. Not because I don't believe that it's true. Just because I'm not sure I can be what he needs right now. I look at him and I see a truly frightened person. He's scared and on top of that scared to show that he's scared. He must be under a lot of pressure.

We're both such intense people that when we get together things are either really good or really bad. We have magnificant fights! Gud, you could write soap operas based on our relationship.

On a completely different note: Where has all the time gone? Seriously, seriously. The frightening part about the internet, right, is that they keep archives of everything. So if you're bored enough or obsessed enough (both of which I am) you can go back and literally watch yourself evolve based on your old LiveJournal entries and ICQ messages and message board posts and emails. And even scarier is reading back in other people's archives, and seeing their p.o.v. *shudders* It is rattling-- I am not being sarcastic here.

But where HAS the time gone? It was two years ago (minus one month) that I started going out with John Hayes. Last weekend was the two-year anniversary of my first Youth 2000 retreat in Buffalo with Jessica and Maggie and Susy and the crying-on-the-floor awakening. Two years! And what do I have to show for it? Nothing. Nothing at all....

Well, that's not true. I have to say that I much better looking than I was 2 years ago.